I learned this strategy at a parenting class a few months ago. We recently put it to work with GREAT success for Hannah.

Tomorrow morning, when you are not in the heat of the moment, have a chat with Martin about the night time routine. Share with him, \\"The new rule is...bed time is quiet time,\\" or something to that effect. But use the language \\"the new rule is....\\" Be explicit. You get 2 books. Lights out. No getting out of bed. No crying for mom. It should be quiet. Go over this with him. Ask him to explain back to you what the rule is. Have him verbalize the expectations. Do this throughout the day. Get him to do the talking.

Then at night time, as you are putting him to bed, acknowledge the absence of negative behavior. Do not say, \\"Good job,\\" or \\"I am proud of you.\\" Instead, use descriptive praise to acknowledge what he is NOT doing (i.e., \\"You are not crying. You are not shouting mommy's name. You are not getting out of bed. You are not kicking the wall.\\"). Say it simply without tons of fanfaire. Keep the inflection in your voice minimal. Just acknowledge that he is following the rules by pointing out what he is NOT doing.

Let me give you more concrete examples by sharing what we are doing with Hannah. Hannah's issue was that she was drawing out the goodbyes at night time and then crying and getting out of bed. So one morning I said to Hannah, \\"The new rule is, 2 books, prayers, and good night.\\" I explained to her that she could not get out of bed. She could not cry for mommy. Babies cry and she is a big girl. I asked her questions back. \\"Can you get out of bed?\\" \\"Can you read three books?\\" \\"Can you cry for more books?\\" And so on. We revisited this throughout the day. \\"Hannah, what's the new rule?\\" By the afternoon, she could explain back to me, in her own words, what the expectations were.

At night time, as soon as we finished the books, I looked at her and casually observed, \\"You are not crying.\\" I kept the inflection in my voice minimal, and just shared with her what I was seeing. Her smirk of pride was evident. \\"You are not getting out of bed,\\" was my next observation. Again, a smirk. That night, she went RIGHT to bed.

We have had to tweak our rule a bit. She started calling for Daddy instead of mommy, for example. But overall, our nightime routine is easy and has been pretty much tantrum free now for a week. I revisit the rule a few times throughout the day now. And everynight I point out the absence of the negative behavior. \\"Hannah, you are not crying,\\" as soon as I start to put the books away.

Anyways, sorry for the novel...just wanted to share a great strategy that has produced wonderful results in our household.